How to Slow Down: Advice from a Speed Freak
This is for anyone who feels like being fast is success.
- I love progress
- I love goals
- I love efficiency
These skills helped me thrive at school and get rewarded at work.
But you can’t hurry creativity.
And you can’t hurry life.
When you’re addicted to speed then slowness feels scary.
If you’re like me, speed isn’t the issue.
- it’s achievement
- it’s validation
- it’s connection
To slow down I’ve had to learn to have a different relation to each of these things.
🎯 Achievement
I turned 50 last year and in that time I’ve achieved a lot.
I’ve been addicted to action.
By relentlessly trying to achieve I was trying to tott up points to win the game of life.
Now I’m less obsessed with accumulating awards (physical or psychological).
Doing things is now about self-knowledge and finding my ways of working that feel alignned, are purposeful and effortlessly impactful.
I don’t need to achieve more. I need to “be” more.
✅ Validation
I get pleasure from being praised.
When you achieve something and it gets recognised it means you’ve got the approval of others.
I recognise this as being tied an inherent human need.
Our longing for belonging.
The downside of this is clear on social media. When we don’t get the likes or the engagement we subconsciously seek we don’t feel validated.
“Does anyone care? Am I actually worthy?”
I’ve found that action as a practice of clarity rather than a process for getting praise has helped me slow down.
With clarity about what I think, believe, want and need I’m able to create my own version of validation.
Validation against my own measures of success. Not others.
I can then go at my own pace because I’m running my own race (a slower one).
And by running on my own I can then run better with others.
❤️ Connection
The classic quote is “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
I’ve done the speedy solo thing.
It fed my greed for achievement and validation.
But you can’t do it all the time. It’s too tiring.
And it’s pointless running fast when you don’t really know where you’re going.
I’ve gone from being goal focused to gift focused.
How can I gift who I am so that others can gain?
I’m also less tied to a destination and keen to be more in company.
To be with others well takes having empathy and creating safety.
This happens at its own pace that is dictated by the relationship.
Not the individuals.
We can only move at the speed of humans.
In conclusion…
If you’re in a hurry to get somewhere. And you know exactly where that is. Then go for it!
However, if you’re still exploring your options.
And you’re open to new opportunities.
And you’re wanting to enjoy the ride.
And you’re needing to slow down.
Then:
- forget achieving and do more being
- find validation based on your own values and vision
- cultivate relationships that help you enjoy being in the present