For as long as I remember while building the Happy Startup School I’ve been confused and curious about the intricate dance between core emotional needs and values in work.
I’ve understood needs to be deep, primal drivers that motivate us to act (primarily unconsciously), like connection, growth, and recognition.
Values, on the other hand, are primarily conscious principles we aspire to live by, like integrity, joy, and community.
I think of them like the heart and the head—ideally, they should work together, but sometimes they don’t agree.
The difference between needs and values—and how they connect
I think of needs as the fuel and values as the map. Needs keep you moving: they’re universal, instinctive, and raw. Values tell you where you want to go and how to get there—they’re thoughtful, intentional, and personal.
Ideally, the two align.
For example, if you have a need for connection, your value of community might inspire you to build meaningful events.
On the flip side, your need for recognition might hijack your value of integrity. Which explains why you’re feeling so awkward during a sales pitch.
This tension results in a subtle tug-of-war between what’s driving you internally and what you want to stand for.
How values and needs come into conflict
I’ve experienced that when needs and values clash, it creates friction.
Imagine your need for growth screaming, “More! Bigger! Faster!” while your value of joy mutters, “But what about having fun along the way?” This then shows us as an inner tension in your work, especially when the pressure’s on.
Ever found yourself saying yes to a project that drained you because it met a short-term need for security, even though it clashed with your long-term value of freedom?
How this has played out in my work life
When we first launched the Happy Startup School, my need for safety and stability often found itself at odds with my values of growth and exploration. I felt a constant tension between wanting to build a financially solid business—one that could weather uncertainty—and my deep desire to create something meaningful, creative, and aligned with my values of integrity and curiosity.
To complicate things, my needs for connection and recognition were fueling my values of contribution, compassion, and impact. I wanted to be seen and acknowledged for the work we were doing (who doesn’t?), and I wanted to ensure that our work genuinely helped others and left a meaningful mark.
The result? A push-and-pull dynamic that shaped many decisions. At times, I found myself focusing on strategies that prioritised financial security over creative exploration, even when they didn’t quite feel “right.” Other times, I leaned heavily into deep, exploratory work that I found fulfilling, but it left me questioning how sustainable it was financially.
This tension taught me that the balance between needs and values isn’t something you figure out once and for all. It’s a constant negotiation—a creative dance that evolves with every new decision, opportunity, and challenge. And while I haven’t perfected it, I’ve learned to approach it with more compassion (for myself and others), more honesty, and more curiosity.
What I need to be aware of in the future
Moving forward, I need to keep an eye on this delicate balance. That means:
Checking in with myself regularly to see if my actions align with my values
Being honest about my needs and finding ways to meet them without compromising what matters most
Saying “no” more often (even to the really shiny opportunities) if they don’t feel right
Your turn
What about you?
Where do your needs and values align—or clash—in your work?
Are you chasing recognition while sacrificing authenticity?
Or letting a need for security keep you stuck when your value of freedom is calling?
Take a moment to reflect:
What do you need most right now?
How do those needs connect to conscious values (and choices)?
Are they working together—or are they wrestling in the corner?
Great exploration and framework you're presenting. I like your reflective prompts, the first and second one add a sense of immediacy, embodied prioritisation to the needs-values inquiry. And with regard to the third one, working together or wrestling, I refer to what you say earlier on about the tension-balance being a creative dance; mine would be best described as "capoeira."
"Wrestling" prompted me to think about capoeira. But/and emotional violence has been part of my life, growing up.